I wish I was a "speak softly to me Lord" kind of gal. I really do. But no, I need frogs and locust or as was the case this month repeated hospital visits, health crisis, potentially devastating news about my disease and almost missing Christmas to rattle my cage.
okay, okay, geez louise I'm listening.
I am listening, now, finally to what God is saying to me and I am not Pharaoh. I believe and I will obey.
2017 is going to be an amazing time for my family. My first grandchild in the summer, the wedding of my daughter in the fall. Ignoring my health is not optional.
Many things have been changed over the last few months as this reality has been revealed in ever increasing detail. You may not know but Lindsey and I sold our business, Charming Events. We sold the tangibles and kept the name in November. Lindsey is moving on to new opportunities and I was neither well enough to run it alone or desiring such.
I've left many groups, activities and obligations behind me to focus instead on my health, homeschooling William, planning the wedding, preparing for my grandchild, spending time with those I love and doing things I enjoy.
Being hospitalized twice this month took a toll on me and the possibility that my lung function is being affected by my MS, hit me like a ton of bricks. Simply being in the hospital and feeling so terrible drove the reality of being a sick person home. I cannot fix everything but everything will improve if my health improves. Everything can be at a minimum better and I believe I can be healed of much through nutrition.
I signed up today for Weight Watchers. This is a pretty big deal for me.
I'm not in denial at all about needing to lose weight and mind my health more closely.
What I have been is sick and truly unable to do anything for about the last 5 months.
Last summer I was making steady progress, walking/running and losing weight along with making better food choices.
What I have been for sometime is wholly lost in a sea of contradicting opinions and ideas about nutrition and weight loss. What I have been is at the mercy of doctors who refuse to treat me as a whole person but prefer instead to part me out like a 65 Mustang and order up prescriptions to treat symptoms instead of trying in anyway to actual heal me and improve my overall health.
What I find is that most people recommend to me what worked for them. Which I appreciate but which is not particularly useful to me in determining what will work for me. (It's like homeschool curriculum - everyone's favorite thing is what works for them. Trying to find YOUR style is the hard part and that's where I need to focus)
Products and diet plans are really no different than all the different doctors suggesting only what they know about and what they are familiar with and who do so without spending two minutes trying to understand my whole health, my nutritional needs, my predispositions, how my body processes sugars, carbs, proteins, fat and what my health conditions are and how their suggestions might complicate matters.
Most folks - doctors and well meaning others - offer solutions without any assessment. (I've seen this in the hospital so much the last month.) No faith in medical doctors to understand nutrition at all. I can't have any faith in remedies that are offered without assessment. I just can't. How can you know what to prescribe if you haven't asked any questions. And I mean whole person health and wellness questions not just the questions that make your particular solution attractive.
I've been spending some time reading and learning to understand more about all of this and how specifically it applies to my situation. A situation no else has experienced, it's unique to me.
I also know me. I know what I will and will not do. I know what I will be able to maintain as a lifestyle change and what I can pull off for a few weeks and give up. I know how I want to live my life. I know how I want my life to look and feel. I know what I want for my body and my health. I have a healthy and positive self image. I think I can figure this out now. I'm just starting but I think I can figure this out.
Weight Watchers is a means to an end for me. It's not magic beans.
I don't expect it to be. (I am however in the market for magic beans because I could SO use a golden egg laying goose about now!) What I need first is to be more mindful of what I'm eating. To track it and to begin to plan for a specific calorie count. I need the accountability of meetings. I need to replace old habits with some new habits. I think Weight Watchers is the best fit for me for this stage. Whether it will be a part of my journey long term, I don't know. But I know I need a structure and guidance and this is the best resource for me.
My vitamin and supplement game is about to get taken up a notch. Vitamin D which is so essential to my MS management is critical to the management of RAD (Reactive Airway Disease) as well. Magnesium and Potassium also need to be increased. I will continue the fish oil for my congestive heart failure along with B12 and the other supplements I take too. Daily Fiber has been very good for me but I can no longer hit and miss it. It's got to be religiously taken to help combat the lower GI issues. My pain has to be managed with something other than NSAID pain relievers as that has been attributed to the ulcers and bleeding in my stomach.
I'm very interested in homeopathic remedies, cleanses and supplements. I'm not interested in products at this time. I wouldn't know how to properly integrate them. I don't understand the ramifications to my medications and health issues and I do not have the disposable income to experiment with them given the avalanche of medical bills that's about to descend on me. I love home businesses and I love my friends who are passionate about theirs. I want you to continue to talk about it, post about and if you hear me say or mention something that you think your product can help me with, it is STILL okay to share it with me. I'll put it in my cap and I hope you will understand if my answer is no.
I have been so honored, humbled and blessed by good friends who have prayed me through this difficult time. Friends who have shared meals with my family that have truly sustained us. Friends who have called, messaged, texted and inquired through my family and who have taken time to come visit me when I've been up to it. I really love you guys. Thank you. You are family and I love you.
If you would continue to keep me in prayer as I have tests and procedures this next week I would be very grateful. If your prayers and emotional support can extend to this journey of weight loss and restored health I would be ever in your debt. I'm not even sure I can do this. It feels like climbing a mountain starting out from a wheelchair.
I feel like King Theoden in Return of the King (LOTR). When they tell him too few have come and they cannot defeat the armies of Mordor his response:
"No. We cannot. But we will meet them in battle nonetheless."
I don't know if I can do this, but I am going to do it nonetheless.
If you would like to join me in Weight Watchers I would welcome some friends to work the program alongside me. I hate that it's a new year - it feels so cliche but - oh well. What will be original is when we are still working the program in April!
I'm exploring the exercise component of this as well. For now it will need to be workouts I can do from home with my free weights, yoga mat, bands and medicine ball. I can do a lot with these. At some point I will add cardio. I might even add swimming. Whatever I do it will be what I enjoy. What I can do safely with the issues MS presents with balance and gait. And what I can afford - not springing for any expensive programs.
Okay Lord, please put down the lightning bolt, we aren't going to need that. I got the message.