Teeter Tottering

There has always been so much that I have loved doing. I've always enjoyed working. Always. I love challenges and earning money for extra things for our family. I get bored, it's like I've always needed some new adventure.

Our new business venture has been fabulously successful and I truly love it but just as with everything else, I've ever done and loved, I find my life slipping out of balance. I love the work of my home and work always interferes with my home management.

I don't know why anyone would even want to have it all? Seriously even IF you have it all, you're too tired to enjoy it.

Walking my commitments back is certainly a possibility, but it never lasts long. I end up teeter tottering, focusing here and focusing there. All in here, then all in there. I try to balance in the middle and I manage it for brief periods but never for long.

I don't know if I will keep waging this battle of balancing, or if I will surrender to it's reality. I don't see how I can walk away, and I know it wouldn't make me happy anyway.

Mostly I keep thinking there is some key ingredient that I am missing. Some way of thinking, some energy, some system of organization or some combination of them all that if I could master then these feelings would go away but they don't.

I am pretty organized, I manage my energy, and I'm about one of the healthiest mentally strong people I know, so yeah I doubt I'm missing any magic beans.

So then what?

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