Homeschooling and Husbands

Once Upon a Time about 11 years ago...
My children were 13, 8, and 3. I had been homeschooling 6 years at that point, and I operated a licensed home childcare on the USAF base where we lived in Wichita Falls, Texas with a 1 year old all day and 3 (4 total) before and after school kids.
My husband had breakfast, lunch and dinner with us each day, since we lived on base. He was home one day for lunch and I was just doing my thing.
There was a moment he stopped me in the kitchen, he held my face in his hands and he said, "You are the most amazing woman in the whole world."
He is the perfect picture of support to me in everything I do. He is my biggest fan, my everything. He kissed me and went on to tell me how in the one hour he'd been there with us he had heard me answer a hundred questions, respond a thousand times to the name, "Mom", juggle homeschooling the two older ones, loving on our toddler and the one I watched and adored. I had made his lunch, and was tidying up the kitchen. He said that day, and many, many days since, that there is no way in the world he could do what I do. (I don't argue that point 
I share that story because it is life giving water to me. My husband's support is Christ's hands and feet to me. He ministers Christ's love to me and it is only through Him, that I can do even small things.
As I read messages here, and see how many of our sisters have husbands that are less than supportive, or even hostile toward homeschooling, my heart truly aches. I could never have done this without him. He prays for me without ceasing, all day. He encourages me and nourishes my soul, he calls and texts. He engages when he gets home and has grown in this more every year. He fills my empty tank so I can run the race. It's my personal belief that homeschooling, must be a decision made jointly and enthusiastically by a couple.
Homeschooling thrown into a marriage in distress can often pose a seismic shift in the marriage. 
My point is only that adding homeschool to a troubled marriage is not always wise. Going it alone, when you are married, can have serious consequences.
Homeschooling is a way of life for a family. It is not a method of educating. Homeschooling so intimately impacts the husband, he cannot be overlooked. His feelings matter. His wants and needs matter. They should matter most to his Bride.
Women who homeschool have infinitely more draws on the energy, their time and their emotions. It is a constant balance to be a good wife first, before being a homeschooling mom. If you are at odds, your tank will be perpetually empty.
As women, we are passionate, particularly about our kids, our faith, and what we feel called to do. But IF we believe in biblical marriage, traditional roles, and headship, then we cannot wash over any reservations our husbands offer. We cannot push past them, over them or around them. I know it is hard. I have many dear friends who live life this way, and it is a constant struggle. 15 years in and they are in separate beds. Living very separate lives. I caution new homeschoolers, do not allow your entire identity to become "homeschool mom".
My only offering, before homeschooling, make sure your marriage is properly ordered, well balanced, operating in unity and embarking on the journey together. Homeschooling, as fiercely passionate about it as I am, can never, ever come before our marriages. Not ever.

If you begin a trip by air and mis-chart your course by even the smallest, tiniest, percentage you will not land where you need to be for the next leg of your journey.

No comments:

Post a Comment

I appreciate your feedback. Keep it classy!