It takes so little for me to stray from my faith, from my purpose for even existing. I am prideful and self centered. I am not a good person. The moment I blink in my constant gaze upon you I seem to falter. I falter in my thoughts, I give in to sarcasm, anger, frustration, even hate. I fail to be thankful. I fail in my stewardship. I fail in love. How can I be so small in love sometimes? I fail to forgive. I give in to sloth, and gluttony. I give in to my every thought and emotion and wrap myself in them instead of You who is my everything. I surrender to self pity as if I were never taught to be a warrior of prayer and sacrifice. I question your plans and Providence and will for my life. In truth I wish for a different plan, one without the brokenness and suffering, even as I know I dearly those very trials have blessed me. I am so sorry. So sorry Lord, I lay it down at your feet this morning and I beg you to lift me up and restore yet again. I will never cease in my failings, I know, though I despise them.
Everything I am, everything I long to be, I lay it down at your feet.
I share with you my sorrow this morning in my many failures, and my prayer ever enriched by Matt Maher in this song Lay it Down. I turn to this song so often.