I've just returned from Aldi. Groceries are piled and sorted around my counter top. I haven't even put away the colds yet. Yes, I'm stopping to write this because I need to slow the roll and breathe.
Intentional living has escaped me in the last few days and I am determined to reclaim it, and in the process reclaim my peace. I am a joyful person. That love of Jesus down in my heart kind of joy. There is no "but" in that sentence. What I realize however, is somewhere along the way I accidentally gave away more than I had to give.
Intentional Living blessed my life for many years. Those great plans and routines however became rote. So routine that I feel as though I've awakened from autopilot to realize that my plane is headed in the wrong direction. Did you know that if a space shuttle miscalculates it's pitch at re-entry by 1% it will bounce off the earth's atmosphere and break apart into space. The details matter.
The detail that I've lost is remembering my 'why'. Why I did things a certain way. Why I planned and organized and homeschooled a certain way. Why I meal planned, saved money on every purchase, and decorated my home everyday like it was a beautiful Christmas tree to enjoy. I did those things because they freed my heart and my mind up for peace; for laughter. It freed me for friends, and dates; playtime, and carefree timelessness.
Grocery is not something most people love doing. But I always kind of did, until somewhere along the way recently it started feeling like work. yuk!
Grocery shopping was always so much fun, even with my kids. Even when they broke an entire jar of spaghetti sauce in an aisle and entire carton of eggs on the same trip.
See the grocery shopping wasn't something to get over with so I could get on with my life. IT was my life, for the time I was spending on it. I enjoyed the choices, the savings, the ideas and inspiration. I would remember hearing the story of a young boy adopted from Africa, who cried the first time he went into a grocery store in America. Never in his whole life and he seen so much food. It was like heaven. I tried to never take it for granted. Yet, here I am recognizing I have in fact begun taking it for granted. Till today.
Today I shopped the way I used to shop, with a meal plan. I enjoyed shopping for food the way I shop garage sales. I took my time and I felt so good about the food I had to feed my family. I thought of how much they will like certain dishes and how they would get so excited when they would recognize ingredients and ask, "Are you making pot pies?!" There is my peace. Those moments, these moments, fill my tank.
When my tank is filled I have plenty of love, time, energy and me to give. I've been running on empty. Not good. Full tank = good.