It's 5:00 somewhere...

 A goodwill find with loads of potential...

for new and improved patio renovation which I'm doing on the cheap, cheap (get it birds go cheep - never mind)

Table top finished! Love it!! Now to do the legs.

This is such a wonderful time of peace in my life. I prayed for peace and spent so much time in adoration just loving Him. He has granted peace, and granted it abundantly. I'm enjoying my vocation, my children, my home so much. I always bloom in spring but particularly this spring!

(This salty fella is sold but give me a table or an adirondack chair and I will give you Margaritaville)

Be still!

One sentence, contemplated for weeks and weeks.

Ever Lent I try to prepare a study, read a book, or find something to learn about God, me, my faith, my Church and every Lent God seems to say, "That's nice, but think about this..." and he lays something on my heart.

A few weeks ago in Adoration, I laid prostrate in front of the altar. God placed His hand over my mouth - not like an assailant would who snuck up behind you but rather like a parent kneels down and gently places the tips of their fingers over their child's mouth to indicate this is a quiet place, or a quiet time. Then He said to me, "Be still and know that I am God."

This has been my daily contemplation since.

For someone as mouthy as me, this is big. My mom used to always say, "Robin is perfect little girl, but her mouth gets her in trouble." In school I would write sentences in my spare time because my teachers were always making me write sentences for talking out of turn.

I was known to go head to head with teachers and even the Vice Principal once. I drove my dad to complete distraction in arguments as I performed mental gymnastics around him and argued him into a corner. Literally face to face, toe to toe Battle Royale Cage Match. It never ended well.

I fight. It's what I do or rather what I have always done. For women, for babies, and for children I fight. I fight when I perceive injustice, lies, or stupidity. So consumed with fighting the "good" fight that though many times the fact that I am correct or ultimately my arguments prove right is beside the point. As too often when the battle is over I am left to bruised to care anymore.

As I daily contemplate this leading from the Lord He shows me many things. He showed me Peter in the Garden at Gethsemane drawing his sword to defend Our Lord. Peter. I love Peter. Gruff, intelligent but not educated. Wise in the world, hot headed, unpredictable, and the least likely one of all to be given authority. When soldiers approached Jesus Peter swiftly draws his sword and strikes. He wasn't just ready to fight, he fought. Jesus rebuked him and he instructed him to sheath his sword. Peter's battle was so much bigger than a scuffle in a garden. Peter would soon be fighting for the salvation of the world.

I recalled recently a Twila Paris song I loved in the earliest days of my conversion. "I drop my sword and look up for a smile, 'cause deep inside this armor, the warrior is a child." Then I remember His words that we should come to him like little children.

For me, the childlike vulnerability of a child is not a place I can go, not yet. Too many times as a child my weakness was violated. Too many times, not be able to fight or battle left me broken and afraid. My father could not defend me. My mother could not defend me. And so now I find myself being called by God to assume the posture of a child and wait. Does He want to show me that He will come to my defense? That my Blessed Mother will protect me? I don't know. Just thinking about it makes me fill ill. Those in power and authority over me have never ever wielded it justly, why would they start now?

I don't know what God is doing. Daily I face the choice of fight or flight. For many months, everyday fight or flight. Daily I fight. But He is revealing another option. It's so much more than simply allowing them to slap my other cheek. It's standing my ground, in defiance of earthly authority but submitting to the abuse without response. Instead offering them another place to strike because I am not moving.

It's so much, too much. If this were about something silly I wouldn't care, wouldn't give it a moments thought. God has placed me here. I wanted to be in Biloxi. I wanted to be with Carol and Phil. I wanted to live in my beautiful beach home with a gate to her back patio and a key to the house. I wanted to ride my bike each morning to the bay and watch the pelicans fish. I wanted to be nurtured and uplifted and cared for by people who love me there. I wanted to work alongside Father George. I wanted to care for and support him in his ministry. I had a notebook filled with dreams there. But a hurricane came and washed all those hopes and dreams out to sea. I landed here in the middle. In the middle of the country, in the middle of a mess, in a place I never, ever wanted to be. In my first act of submission, really, to the authority of my husband.

So God is working and He needs me to stop mucking it up. He says to sheath my sword (in this case, my tongue) and be still. He calls me to watch and learn because I am about to KNOW He is God. That revelation in morning contemplation this week sent shivers down my spine. The Word came alive to me in a completely different way. I will not just know in my heart, but He is about to work in such a way that I will KNOW He is GOD. I'm a little afraid, I'm not going to lie.

He is asked me to get out of the way so there will be no mistaking that He is God and the work is for His glory.

I count on my husband more now than I ever have before. He is Christ to me in our domestic church, he shelters me, his counsel directs me, his love and his embrace comfort me. And so in my stillness I am becoming more of who He is calling me to be.

This probably sounds like garbledy gook but it's true. Yes, I hear God talking to me. Yes, I actually lay on my face flat on the floor in an empty church and talk to God. I can't help but chuckle because in this world that is so weird. But in the kingdom of Heaven, in His presence, we call that normal. I like normal.


I paint

Today it's my bedroom. I'm painting and the first main wall is complete.

I enjoy painting. Everything feels clean, fresh, and new when it's been painted. Whenever I need a boost, I paint something. Steve used to joke, "don't stand still Robin will slap a coat of paint on you."

it's true.

So many projects, so many things to clean, organize and do - this is spring for me.

grow up?

I do not know what I want to be when I grow up. Sadly the clock is ticking along and I really have absolutely no clue.

I've had plenty of jobs, I was good at them. I've had a couple of good invention ideas, I still say I was the first one to think of making ketchup and mayo bottles upside down. I'm raising 3 amazing kids and I love taking care of my house (duh, title) but it's still not enough.

My mom used to call herself a jack of all trades and a master of none. That's kind of me too. I'm an okay cook, an okay decorator, an okay writer, an okay organizer and so on. I can do pretty much anything I want if I decide to do it. The problem is I'm all over the place. I get bored.

This week I am making decorations for the boy scout banquet. I've built a pirate ship, hand-painted treasure chests and pirate ship place mats, and created golden goblet bejeweled with colorful stones. It's cute and fun but I'm no Martha Stewart and I'm glad I'm almost finished because I am bored with it.

I ready to finally redecorate the Master Bedroom. Looking forward to painting and sewing but I know when that project is finished I'll move on to a new one, tweak some old ones, move some furniture and look for something else to do.

What do people do when they just "are"? I mean I know people who actually don't rearrange their furniture. They don't paint and repaint entire rooms, or entire houses. Do they just hang out? Because man just thinking about that puts me to sleep.

41. I'm going to be 41 in April and I can't even imagine slowing down. I ready to begin plans for an International Mission Trip and I really looking at the possibility of going to World Youth Day in Brazil in 2013. I'm thinking about walking the Camino and lately I've been thinking about woodworking - though I don't know why. I want to do little things and big things and a million things. I always have. I wanted to be a hundred things when I grew up not just one.

A bucket will not hold my list, I'm going to have to kick a rain barrel when I die. I just want to see if I can, you know. I want to see if I can walk the Camino. I want to see what God wants me to see. I want to see if I can make one of those over the top cakes with details all made from fondant. I want to go to Rome and Ireland.

It's midnight again. I'm not sleepy. I really am sick and tired of this whole having to sleep thing anyway. Don't you just want to get up and do stuff?

I'm ready to kick the cable tv to the curb, I watch it to fall asleep and frankly Netflix works fine and is lots cheaper.

I'm ready to lose the iphone. Oh it's totally cool but I really don't want to sit and play silly games. I skim my email but prefer my laptop for the actual reading and replying. I don't know, seems like a waste of money to me.

A workout nut, I could get on board with that! Or a cook, learning to do some real cooking would be fun. I don't know, isn't it just so exciting to get up and see what happens tomorrow?

I keep thinking I should settle down and settle on something like finishing college or some such thing but really when I think about the amount of time out of my life it will take - UGH. Maybe, I don't know. OOOH fishing I am so glad the weather is nicer now so we can go fishing some. I want to camp too. I like camping. I think we will enjoy camping with Scouts this year. I plan to go but only if I can go MY way - air mattress, lawn chairs, books, laptop, my comforts :)

Lots of things to do tomorrow, excited about a great weekend ahead.
I'm reading a book now about how to be an adult. I'm not sure why I'm reading, since I'm not sure I really want to be an adult but I need to mature in at least 3 areas of my life and God put this book in my lap so when God gives you a book... you read it.

Injustice just frosts my butt. I have never ever, not ever been able to sit quietly and endure injustice. My fury