How many licks?

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie roll pop?

For those of you trying to make me feel old by claiming not to remember this commercial with the cute owl - bite the sucker.

The point of the commercial was that the Tootsie roll center was too irresistible to wait to count the number of licks and everyone bites into it.

And so, we will never know.

We will also never know how many days the people in my house will continue to use the toilet despite how gross it becomes. Or how many days they will use the sink when it has toothpaste globbed in numerous places.

We will never know because even though they can continue to use the bathroom when it's well past it's "due to be cleaned date" I cannot resist.

I can't resist cleaning the bathroom. Oh it's not a Tootsie roll kind of irresistibility, in fact the Tootsie roll bathroom analogy is a little disturbing now that I think about it. But I refuse, refuse to use a gross bathroom and thus I clean it.

We will never know how long my husband and children will use the bathroom and we will never know how many licks will get you to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop. Great Mysteries.


Stop me if I start eating toilet paper?

Confession. I love the Cozi calendar but I still have a giant dry-erase one calendar here by my desk with the colored wet erase markers. I can't let it go. I'm not ready. Baby steps.

My husband is so thrilled about a paperless wife you would think he was finally getting me house-broken. But there are a few areas I'm dragging in, possibly because I'm 40 (read as old) which is really the new 30 and I feel like I'm 27 so it's like I'm barely legal and therefore age shouldn't even be a factor in my technological reluctances. Or it could be that one of my cute and quirky little idiosyncrasies is a lifelong love for office supplies.

Stranger saying it aloud... now I'm thinking of myself as one of those TLC shows about strange obsessions like the woman who eats toilet paper or household cleanser... maybe I should stop here? Can a love dainty clippy thingys lead to a debilitating psychosis? nah.

So I have thing for office supplies, it's not against the law (in most states.) I like blue ink pens, and ballpoint pens and sharpies, and mechanical pencils and pretty papers, and cardstock, 60# linen, 20# watermarked, I like 3-hole punchers, and tape dispensers, and staplers (I like using the word "and") I like neat cups and metal organizers bin thingys. (I like things I can only refer to as thingy's) I like folders and as you know I like binders.

With the exception of a few areas - my copy of the monthly budget and my daily personal to-do list, I am almost paperless. 

Steve wants it. I know he wants it. I like my 10 key adding machine and the sound it makes. I feel so productive when I am adding faster than it can print. I like the check register and writing it all in the exact same ink, same writing (mine) and different colors of pens for different expenses. But, NOOOO we have it all online so we don't even need it now :sniffle:

I feel like the AM radio my dad keeps in his garden shed, that time has passed.

I may never teach kindergarten again. Yet, I can't let go of the play-dough tools. No one needs a step stool in the bathroom but I still look for it when I want to prop up one foot while I curl my hair, excuse me, straighten my hair. duh

Things are changing. I don't want to lose the bright bold primary colors of my life, those years with my kids still knee deep in childhood. I surrendered the pastels and softness of their infancy. I embraced the gray and black, the eclectic, and even the paisleys that came with teens.

In this season, though I want all the colors around me. I want to hold on to tiny parts of the past. Those colors on the calendar remind me of my whole life - wife, mom, teacher.

I realized what they say is always right. They say change is good. They say change is hard. Change is important. Change is necessary. Change is healthy. Yep, but okay "they" need to shut up, it's something different to everyone so all these apply!

What I am seeing in myself and in others isn't what I thought it was as it relates to these changes. It's not as if my life is changing overnight.

People always say stuff like, "I woke up one day and _____. I don't live my life obliviously so being aware that's happening is important to me. Instead, I am seeing it giving up somethings to start others. It's not CHANGE. It's just a shift, a series of changes. Most things stay the same, a few things shift. Most of the time. Our problem is that we never notice the gentle shifts. We avoid it until it feels like that awful change we dread. 

I love change. A woman who has moved 30 times - likes change. I love my Cozi. I'm keeping my giant calendar and my Wonder Woman planner which I'm letting you know should be buried with me. It like me will be worn out and ready to go when the time comes having used up all I had to give.


PS. Don't believe me about the moving? I'm 40 yrs old and I've lived in 30 houses. 
  1. Came home to Plank Rd, IN
  2. Moved Maple St., IN
  3. Back to Plank Rd, IN
  4. Louisville, KY
  5. Avondale, IN
  6. Grandma's, IN
  7. Avondale, IN
  8. Va. Beach, VA
  9. Norfolk apt 1, VA
  10. Va. Beach apt 2, VA
  11. Back to Avondale, IN
  12. New Albany Firehouse apt., IN
  13. House on Charlestown Rd, IN
  14. Avondale, IN
  15. Apt in Clarksville, IN
  16. Raintree, IN
  17. Hwy 62, IN
  18. Slate Run, IN
  19. Avondale, IN
  20. Sheppard AFB, TX
  21. Hunters Crossing, TX
  22. Sheppard AFB, TX
  23. Power Circle, MS
  24. C St., MS
  25. Kensington, MS
  26. Scotland, TX
  27. Wichita Falls, TX
  28. Biloxi, MS
  29. Troy, IL
  30. Edwardsville, IL
PSS. Not sure this post had any purpose at all. For some weird reason, I needed to write it.

On the 9th day of Christmas --- one lady dancing

So there are 8 ladies dancing somewhere else and this lady is dancing here :)

My beloved, wonderful, amazing, gracious, loving, dear husband... went back to work today. He has been home since Dec. 23rd. Working from home.

He was supposed to be at work yesterday, or so we thought but he got there and no one was there, so he came home. Wrong day. I know, nice.

He is great to have home. I love spending time with him. The kids have a blast when dad is home on vacation. He got lots of projects finished and was so helpful. In many ways I was sad to see our Christmas Vacation/Staycation end.


there's always a butt, I mean but. When Dad is home the house is really loud. Like, rattle the rafters constantly loud. There is screaming, shrill shouts of joy, running, climbing, wrestling, raucous laughter it's a joke a minute, it's constant, con-stant. No one goes to bed until midnight, no one has any semblance of a routine, it's like some hippie commune where everyone sits around happy in their boxer shorts eating cheese.

If you know me at all you know I don't care much for hippies. So here at the ninth day of Christmas mom is ready to get back to reality. Don't you judge me.

My entire house needs to be cleaned, momma cleaned. My kids' brains have turned to jell-o from the lack of schooling in the last month, and I think I was actually down to my last nerve. I was starting to twitch. I have heard all the blasting music, watched all the cartoons, played all the wii games, board games, dress up the dog in funny hats, watched all the movies, eaten all the cookies, and had about all the family time I can stand. I knew I was done yesterday when I was standing in the kitchen and wondering what life is like for women whose kids go to school. I daydreamed for a solid 5 minutes about an empty house. How clean it could be, how ordered, how quiet.

As my heart sank from my chest into the pit of my stomach I realized that day would come soon enough.

A break, a return to our schooling, and activities yes, that picture I was ready for, but having the last two off to their adult life the way Corey (my oldest) is, can wait.

My biggest kid, my hubby went back to his adult life today and I know he is missing the chaos and the kids climbing all over him. He is also required to wear pants at work which is the worst part of being an adult.

On the 9th day of Christmas my true love gave to me - my routine back. My little housewifelife, I love it, and I am dancing :)


Missing Indiana

I miss my family. I'll be heading to Indiana in a week or so. Messy, completely dysfunctional, so strange at times it's funny, kind, loving and mine. Good, bad and ugly their mine. I haven't lived in my home state for more than a few years since I was 17 years old.

I wish I could have made the life I wanted there. I couldn't. There was too much history, too many wounds,  too little support for the person I want to be. But man I miss it. These feelings are compartmentalized, they have to be. I would love to be there caring for my mom and my grandma. Being the daughter, the sister, the aunt, the cousin I should be but I can't. If I'm that person, I don't know how to be this person.

I ran as fast as I could. If I hadn't I believe they would have been singing bible songs over me long ago. I ran and I kept running. Maybe I still am. Too many funerals. Too many people I love dying too young. Pouring their entire lives into bottles of rum and cans of beer. Children growing up and repeating this legacy of addiction and codependency.

So many mistakes there. The girl I was there was a hot mess. Everywhere I go is a bad memory. I want to get to a place where those memories fade into the background and the good memories come to the front. I try. I get there sometimes.

Like now. I'm thinking of sitting with my grandma and listening to her stories. Taking her out to lunch with mom and aunt Connie. Doing little afternoon trips and enjoying being together, all of us calling each other Margaret, confusing the waiters. Going to auctions and dinner, going to garage sales and breakfast. Food and used goods, that's a night out :)

My love is there with them. They are always in my prayers. They will never know what I would give if the life I want could be made there. I want to scoop them up and bring them with me. I want them to have new lives. We are different though, they like their lives there. I like my life here.

On days like today I just want to be with my mom. I have to wait till next week. But I am so looking forward to setting my course East and going back home. I miss my dad, I miss my brother. Soon, is not soon enough.

Missing Indiana,