For years I’ve eaten nothing but manna, a dish that is filling but bland

I have a weird, strong onion taste in my mouth. I haven't eaten Burger King in a long time and now I remember why. It's kind of gross.

Fast food in general is, but I've been on a binge for about a week. Stress, emotions, avoidance. 2 weeks ago I shared with a few select people that I had broken the bonds of slavery with regard to food. I proclaimed it and I claimed it. I had, I really had.

Then the enemy threw everything but the kitchen sink at me emotionally. 

My little taste of freedom left me exactly like the Israelites in the desert longing for their chains again. "Oh remember the good ol' days of cheeseburgers and french fries, onion rings and sodas. You are too busy and tired and stressed to cook. Remember back in Egypt we had all we could eat."

Manna wasn't working for me and one trip through the drive thru and I was back in chains. Slavery is so stupid.

So I fell of the wagon, spent too much money eating out, cried a river, feel like garbage and gained back the measly little 3 lbs. I had managed to lose. This sucks. I know, I know I hate that word too and I don't use it unless it REALLY applies and it does.

The great epiphany for this week, I don't completely trust God. whoa. I didn't come to this lightly. I trust God with all most all areas of my life but what I uncovered this week, was that I do not in fact trust him in ever single part. I would have said I did, so if you think you do my response is, "then you are not looking at your life closely enough."

 Father says, if I work through this there's still more. GOOD GRIEF!

I think I need to surround myself with recovering addicts. I am most comfortable around people who know they are sinners. People who think they were but they don't sin anymore are like alcoholics being "social drinkers."

If I surrender every part of my life to God then He would dwell in a strong, healthy, fit temple because He would have control and I could accept that I am powerless. and BAM! There's the rub, powerless? power-less. That would be without power, right? Like, power exits but I have none thus less than powerful. 

Surrendering is s'posed to be empower-ing. But how is that different than powerful. Does this really come to prefixes and suffixes? 

Enough today I messed up. Tomorrow I make a very thorough confession, pick up my cross and start over. 

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