I was so happy this afternoon. I thought my tired little heart would burst. Corey is on spring break and home with us this week. We all went out this afternoon to the local farm supply store, Rural King. We got bird seed to fill all the feeders, corn for the squirrels, grass seed, seeds for the vegetable garden, and flower seeds.
We rode in the van, windows down, all three of my babies with me. It was like old times. I kept remembering the days when Corey was the "big man" so happy to sit up front. Taylor sat behind me, pigtails bouncing, kicking her feet and kicking my seat. William, with his chubby baby cheeks played beside her in his car seat. We would chatter, sing and laugh. We did everything together. Beautiful days like today would find us with and sometimes without our books at the lake, the park, the ocean, down the pier. The sun would shine on my children like grace streaming from the sky. It has been as perfect a life as I could have ever dreamed.
It isn't possible to love anyone more than I love these children. I drove along, radio up, breeze blowing through my hair, listening to their jokes and stories, I drank it in.
I became aware of how relaxed I was, peaceful. Joyful. Happy. Content.
I was sad for a moment though, this afternoon would pass - I couldn't close my eyes tight enough to make time stand still. Corey has to work and is spending the night with a friend so they can go caving tomorrow. Taylor is off to a bonfire with her friends, William and Steve have plans for pizza, Wii and Heroclix, while I play Bunco with the girls. I say just a moment because almost immediately I realized how the grace of God and good choices have given me a lifetime of memories like today. I don't have to cling to them, because we are still making them. Homeschooling has given me 12 years of joy. JOY!!
Yes, some days are tough. Most aren't, not for me at least. I used to feel bad for saying that, as if somehow I needed to diminish our experience to make others feel a little better about theirs. I don't do that anymore.
I will look back one day on a lifetime spent in the company of my children. Amazing, beautiful, funny, loving, people, my kids. These perfect first days of spring have never been lost to me. Not ever.
I have danced in the first warm rain of the year with my children so many times. I have snuggled with them on the couch with books during cold winter days. They have napped with the windows open when they were tired, eaten momma's homemade bread when they wanted a snack. The years are passing, the children are growing and I am growing too. Still so many things are just the same. My work, my love, my prayers, my sacrifices have mattered. Thanks be to God.
I never wanted to miss a thing and I really haven't. I have absolutely no regrets.