Everyday is filled with promise. I didn't say what was promised. All we are promised really is that you never know what will happen.
I've returned from a long week to Indiana and back, and back again, and finally home.
Where to begin...my cousin Albert, 42 passed away week before last. My uncle Earl, 58 (mom's older brother) had a massive heart attack on Monday. He was rescuscitated but on a ventilator. I went in to be with my family Tuesday. On Wednesday I sat alone with my heartbroken grandmother in her home while at the hospital my mom, aunt, uncle, and cousins turned off the life support on her second child, Earl. She was utterly devastated. It was one of the most painful things I've ever witnessed.
I returned home Wednesday night very late, and headed back to my Hoosier home again on Friday morning for the viewing. A couple hours into the funeral visitation my grandmother had taken all she could. I took her home, settled her in and after she was soundly asleep I returned to the funeral home. A short while later she fell in the bathroom and broke her hip. I should not have left her. It was against my better judgment.
Saturday morning after a hip replacement surgery, I was once again sitting alone with grandma but this time while my mom and the family laid my uncle to rest.
Grandma is in the hospital now and is facing weeks of rehab. She is 77 years old. This type of injury is very difficult to recover from at any time but my heart aches wondering if she has the will to recover given her terrible loss? Can she battle through the grief? Does she want to?
My mother is exhausted. I don't mean, tired. I mean she and my aunt are gonna be in the hospital next at the rate they are going. One funeral, days without sleep while my uncle lingered, constant worry over grandma, another funeral, another sleepless night with her in the ER, a surgery, cleaning out my uncles home and now rehab and recovery for their mother who is still fighting to stay in her home, but who also seems to have lost the spark in her eyes. They are sick with worry.
Steve couldn't be with me at all, as his long trip is still going. I miss him so much.
The kids made my heart swell with pride. They were beautiful, perfectly behaved, composed. They tenderly cared for and tended my mom and grandma. Corey was a pall bearer, and he carried it off well.
It was a military funeral. He was a Vietnam Veteran. He was buried in his uniform, and his coffin was draped with the American flag. Next to having his son, Josh, his service was his life's greatest achievement.
I have so much to do, so very much on my heart I don't even know where to begin to sort it all out. I want to move. Like yesterday. I want to be close to my family. I can't be this far away with my mom, dad and grandmother needing me. I am battered with guilt.
I want to press on through school and yet I feel like calling it a year. I have two kids to see through Confirmation, responsibilities to the candidate I am sponsoring, the Confirmation class I am leading, a graduation to plan, transcripts to finish, college entrance and registration to finish with Corey, dental appointments, new medications to research before started this MS regiment, and of course - laundry, dinner, housekeeping, yard work, my business, my health, dogs, dogs, dogs, and more laundry.
Before finishing the lawn I have to tell you one or two more things. It wouldn't be my wonderful family without a little more drama. Oh no, grandma breaking her hip wasn't the only highlight. There was an accident in the funeral procession when someone yielding to the hearse was struck in the rear. And then, my cousin invited both his ex-wives to the wake. The soon-to-be-ex was livid that the first ex (who is now seeing him again) was there first and even more ticked when everyone sort of took her side. She tried calling her out of the house, cars were kicked, scenes were made and the police had to come escort her off. Cleaning out my uncles house, she did it again. It actually just made me smile. Uncle Earl would have gotten the biggest kick out of the scuffle.
For now I suppose I will continue to wander aimlessly around my house and yard accomplishing little but feeling like I should be doing something, anything and definitely more. Dinner, that's what I need to be doing. We are all hungry. Must focus - dinner - shower - laundry. Park the lawn mower before dark. make coffee. shut the gate. pay for my kids yearbooks before my credit suffers and get milk. Got it.
You would think after sleeping in mom's Scarlett room all week the idea that "After all, tomorrow is another day" would have been absorbed.
Forgive me if I'm not calling or answering. I really feel overloaded. I promise as soon as I get a grip or a gripe for that matter I'll be in touch.
Thanks for the prayers,