To vent or not to vent? That is the question.
Today, I snapped. I actually snapped. I could take no more, I topped out on tolerance, patience, forgiveness and I couldn't turn the cheek another day. It wasn't fun, it wasn't pretty and I don't feel better.
I learned a lot today.
Someone (else) I thought was my friend is not, not at all. Hypocrisy knows NO bounds. I was accused in the course of addressing what had been said publicly of "gossip" by someone who has gossiped about me, pretended to be my friend for many months while in truth she harbored serious issues and had thought little that was nice about me. good to know. You do indeed find out who your friends are, and when you do it really hurts. (You should know that guilty folks and liberals when confronted always deflect responsibility by trying to focus on the shortcomings of others.)
Some parents much prefer to stick their heads in the sand than learn that their kids have made a mistake. This makes ZERO sense to me. You can't parent and guide them if you don't know when they are getting off track and they ALL get off track. I would rather know the enemy I am fighting that not. But others prefer to hope the enemy doesn't eat them alive and cross their fingers.
Some people are just dead wrong.
Mean people suck.
Kids don't listen.
Some parents expect children to behave better and be braver than they are.
Some parents kids have zero respect for them.
Not all kids are cute.
Apparently if you call one of your 2 very closest friends and tell them what is happening in your life and the conflict or problem involved another person...it's gossip. So lesson kids... you cannot have 2 close friends and share openly with them about difficulties in your work, the activities you volunteer with etc because it's gossip and they will tell others then act indignantly.
I thought gossip was being ugly, being cowardly, not being truthful, talking about someone behind their back but then smiling and hugging them to their face? You know what it is precisely that, and that folks is the pot calling the kettle black. I will say this there is nothing I have or will say behind someone's back that I will not say to their faces. If I said it I own it. I may have to eat and grovel for being horrible but I will own it.
Here's what else I learned today too...some parents know that other parents teen daughters are sneaking out of the house to meet boys and they will gossip about it to others but not tell the parents. Then that same person will stand smugly and call someone else a gossip- wow. Don't worry if this shoe doesn't fit you don't have to put it on.
I learned that I have a eensy weensy teensy bit more restraint than I even thought because I did not have myself a full on Mississippi Squirrel Revival. (in the Ray Stevens Song MS Squirrel Revival a crazed squirrel runs up and down folks legs and makes them confess all their sins AND EVERYONE else's)
I was very tempted, when I was attacked to lay out a few more details than some would have been prepared to handle about their behaviors and their kids or that they would not have wanted blasted in front of others...in church. I did not. See - restraint. I wish I could say I maintained my composure but I didn't. I was cleaning house (here) and left in a rush. My clean hair had dried naturally which translates to frizzy, bushy and unkept and it was pinned and pulled back in several clips and pins. I had no make-up and glasses. I was red faced, shaking and I looked like the wild woman of Borneo. not good. not good at all.
Now, I realize that the community of Christians, Homeschoolers and Friends I thought I was part of is flawed. No big surprise, Christians aren't perfect, neither are hs'ers and friends are human so no suprise there either. It is still hurtful. The truth too is -I do gossip sometimes and I do not like that about myself. As painful as it was, as hypocritical as others might be it, it doesn't change my bad behavior and that is on my conscience. I will reconcile this very soon.
I accept that what has been coming on for many months has finally come to a dramatic conclusion (would I have any other kind?) and it is time for me to move on and do better. I have much to work on, much to change and I need to model much for my kids.
This includes moving away from people who hurt you, trusting your instincts, standing up for what is right even when it makes you unpopular, calling people to a higher standard, having the courage to stand behind everything you say no matter what, standing up for those who are weaker, not being peer focused and choosing healthy relationships.
As sarcastic and smug as this venting is I actually did learn a lot.
The most important thing I learned...I saw 2 very strong Christian women behave with class, composure and 100% as Christians whom I would do well to learn from. I also saw a woman who is considering being a Christian step out as more of a Christian than other "seasoned" Christians. Both acted with charity and forgiveness, patience, love, and kindness.
I probably should have stayed home. I probably should have done much differently but the you can't unring a bell. For better or worse some truth was brought to light, and I can make decisions now with all the information I need.