A double edged sword

Volunteering is personally rewarding and fulfilling but sometimes it is also thankless. My folks both have big hearts but for dad spending his life on the police force, serving mostly with people the rest of us don't want to deal with, made him pretty cynical. My mom has lots of favorite sayings, and one she says often is, "when you do something wrong no one forgets and when you do something right no one remembers." She too has found herself unappreciated one too many times.

I am angry tonight. Angry, frustrated, disappointed and feeling pretty darned unappreciated by a couple select folks, just a couple mind you. I sat with T doing breathing exercises tonight to help her sleep and relax and kept thinking man, these aren't working at all!

I've been homeschooling and running activities for 10 years in the homeschool community. 10 years. I have never encountered and never imagined encountering difficulties like these. I realize homeschoolers are as different as can be - different faiths, politics, learning styles, whatever but someone how I believed until just the last few months that we were for the most part like-minded in general. Maybe I just believed that everyone thought like me? At least the ones who were right :)

The greatest conflict I had really dealt with inside the community till now, was differing opinions over Harry Potter. It was tense! Oh or the time some new friends were over playing from our "group" and they called their mom to see if they could watch Scooby-Doo. They couldn't. not...making...that...up.

That made me mad. Or the time the girls came over who had never played with Barbie's and their mom told them they could play "anyway", but "please try to find modest clothing for them."

I am seeing my limitations in this deal. Not my physical limits but what is pushing the bounds of my patience.

I am constantly fighting back the urge to say what I really think, the way I think it. Trust me, it's taken awhile to develop the filter currently in use. I can react pretty quickly. I sometimes wish my words had been chosen more carefully or my timing better. Often times, I find that I say too much. (imagine that)

But rarely, is my instinct wrong. I think it's why I do let 'er fly most of the time because it might not sound perfect but it's the truth. It takes time for it to pan out but it always does - you can just get a read on some people. I am done assuming because people homeschool they are going to be any different than any other person off the street. I think I am a double edged sword too. I am a good ally. A strong person to have in your corner. Crossing me is not a good plan.

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