The beggining of my most bittersweet year

Thursday, August 7th 2008

You've got to me kidding me. I am planning on a more low key everything this year.

It was sad to me as I planned out the year marking our school days, holidays, scheduled breaks and all. It was if with a squiggle of a dry erase marker I had gone through 6 months.

I caught myself as I busily marched through the days marking them, adding activities and dental check ups. In only a few weeks my baby girl will officially become a teenager. I joke that she was born one, but she is the sweetest momma's girl. She still sits in my lap and has me rub her feet to help her sleep.

In a few short months, my oldest baby turns 18 and this is his senior year. This is not possible. I cannot be graduating that adorable little boy in the cowboy hat.

I wanted to shred that calendar, cancel all the plans and through sheer determination force time to stand still just a little while. Just long enough for me to hold them.

I know my job, I know the work we must accomplish but more than the work I want to enjoy this last year with all my babies at home.

August 7th 2009

I will have only two students. One will be in high school the other will be 8 yrs old. Don't tell anyone, those are not exactly babies anymore.

Longing and whistfulness has taken over now. My days of school at the kitchen table with a high chair are long gone. I want it all back. It went too fast. I didn't know how much I would miss it. I don't want my baby in college yet, not yet.

This is my life. these children, homeschooling. I know I have many more years left homeschooling but if they go as quickly as these last 10, it will hit me like a tsunami. I can flip the book of my life and read ahead (as I do in all good books). I don't know the details but I know it's a love story with a happy ending. I just want to savor the middle of the story a little longer please.

This year, I will take more pictures and I will blog everyday about our life together, I'll keep track of these memories that carry my family into a new reality. I will find myself a million times holding my breath, filled with indescribable joy, as my three students sit in my classroom, this last year.

Above all though I have one great joy, a true comfort. I know I haven't missed a thing. I have spent 10 years with them everyday, day in, day out. I had the privilege of sharing all their firsts, their days, their naps, their learning, their friends, their curiosities, their triumphs and failures. I woke them up and spent all day with them. Tens of thousands of hours exploring the world together as a family. Watching their eyes light up in discovering something new. Seeing them conquer fears, or division. We have laughed, cried and I have loved every minute so far.

I am sad to see this last year begin and I will cry a river when it wraps up in a few short months with a graduation ceremony. But I am so thankful we made the decision to homeschool. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I wouldn't give up one moment with these children. They are my favorite people. They are my purpose, my joy, my heart, my love, my beautiful babies.

Thanks be to God for the call to homeschool. It's the greatest joy of my life.

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