Sooner or later you become your mother. My mother once told me a story for 15 minutes about a how a wasp got in the house and she killed it. Those are the two major plot points- it got in, she killed it. But that is not the story. The story was about what she fell over trying to get it with the vacuum cleaner, how she hurt her knee and how she nearly killed her cat in the process (don't ask - I think I blocked it out).
Some could share on their blog, "today I went to the doctor". That is not my story.
I woke up this morning to a call from my beloved telling me he got up early and put the weed and feed on the grass to kill the clover. Oh and that it took longer than he thought so he had no coffee, no breakfast and he took no lunch (guilt anyone?go ahead I hate to eat alone). And one more thing, his car was out of gas, he had no time to stop so...he took my van.
The a/c in his car is not working. It only needs freon but I have not taken it. Did I mention that it is July? Great.
He forgot about my appointment but remembered the clover. What is that 1 for 2? Corey had to work at 2, the appointment was in the city at 1. I called Jen to see about riding with her thereby avoiding the car switcharoo. But her husband remembered he needed to make an appointment, so he made one for her (without telling her) and she ultimately couldn't babysit me though gladly would have otherwise.
Corey nearly insisted I call Susan but I couldn't bring myself to call at the very, very last minute. I probably should not have gone alone. First off I had to go switch cars and in doing so I left my purse in the Chevy Sauna, I mean Cavalier, Steve's car. I got 10 miles away before realizing it, calling him and going back. I was a little late but I called from my dying cell phone and they let me keep the appointment.
The doctor was nice, thorough. This was the neuro appt. She said I should find out if MS has been entered in any of my official records and that it is best if it is not. She said she would not be writing it down, and instead used the medical terms for the symptoms. She said it was a possibility, as is neuropathy, growth of the tumor in the corpus callosum, or residual damage from the aneurysm. She also could not rule out multiple issues. She said I need a couple tests.
Mom - if you click on the words (couple tests) it's a link to webmd that explains them better. Jen assures me they sound worse than they are and told me I should read no further. I stopped on page two 'bout half way in. Don't worry she would not steer me wrong, but then she is a tougher cookie than me...I am more like a soft batch.
Whatever is going on with my body I believe, no, I know, God is in control. He has allowed this into my life and He will bring good from it if I allow Him. I don't believe I can do childcare any longer and I am not certain how I will compensate for the change in our income this fall. It is more disposable income than anything really but it's disposable income that gives us some luxuries to which we have grown accustomed. I will keep Alex however, we are all very attached to her and feel like she is an extension of our family, she is no trouble and it's part time.
I am deeply in prayer about what God has in store for me. This door is closing but I believe it is so that He might direct my path in a new direction. I am so hesitant to say this aloud but... I am considering submitting some of my writing or publishing a few things on my own. Nothing is fully prepared. Is this where I am being called? I don't know.
I do know that I have seen difficult times before and I treasure every one of those events for the opportunity they presented in my life. The truth is, the greatest times in my life are the times in which I learned to lean fully on Christ. Surrendering all to His will, accepting my life however it came. I have learned what His strength feels like when I am fully enveloped in it's comfort. I remember everyday what it felt like to know He was the only thing holding me up.
I saw the cardiologist last week. I have neurocardiogenic syncope. Google it. It means - I faint. DUH! That'll be a $40 co-pay please. She says my blood pressure is too low, and that it sort of bottoms out and I faint. It's worse if I stand too long because it goes to my legs, or if I get hot. It won't kill me and she said increasing my salt intake would help (finally an upside!). She says I have regurgitation in two valves but we will need to do an ECHO to see how bad they are. Did I already post this? I dunno.
Anyway, this medical report has been brought to you by...THAT'S IT! I need a sponsor! Like a Nascar driver. Those pharmacy reps are always trying to get into doc's offices - I need a Nascar suit with spaces for sponsors. A little subliminal messaging. Bingo!
Lastly, I called Dominoes on my way home to drown my worries in cheese. I also broke into the spare bag of Dove Chocolates in my desk. I am sadly down to one DIET root beer.
don't give me grief - it was two slices!!