I feel like a hundred years old today, and not a spry 100 either! I felt pretty crummy all day and right now I am resting in a lawn chair in the driveway typing away as if this laptop were my lifeline to the outside world, my message in a bottle.
This is one of those beach type chairs that sits low to the ground and reclines. It's perfect for my short little legs, and it's so comfortable I think I'd like to have it everywhere. I have on my gray granny sweater, jogging pants and a tank top. My hair is pulled back and I did do my skin care, mascara and eye liner today though the tears that came and went off and on all day have washed the eye liner away (water proof mascara is still intact). I look and feel twice my age.
I feel like Vanessa Redgrave, from a horribly depressing movie I saw with a few of the girls but whose name I forgot 12 seconds after the credits started because it was so freakin' depressing. She is not 100 but nonetheless. I feel like a patient today. I feel weak, and frail. I feel helpless and overwhelmed with guilt at not being able to do my job very well today. I hate feeling like this and worse there is nothing at all I can do about it. I tried pushing through today, time and again. I piddled in the garage, pulled a few weeds, straightened up, treated the peach tree for bag worms and sprayed Round Up in the cracks of the driveway and sidewalk. I worked on William's solar system project and did our read aloud, and that was it. It sounds like a little bit but really it was nothing much at all. I didn't lift, or exert in anyway.
I know not all days will be like this and I pray they aren't because I don't know how many of these I can take.
So today, sitting at home, holding down my chair in the driveway I feel a bit isolated, and so this is my message in a bottle. I send it not because I have no one to talk to, or call. I know my friends would come visit, or meet me for coffee, pray or listen on the phone. I send it this way because I don't really even feel like talking. What is left to say? This just is what it is right?
I think since I seem to have the strength to blog I should find something constructive to do with this laptop. I think I will work on Corey's final exams. He'll be so glad!
At least I have diet root beer, chocolate, satellite tv and Tivo. You know me always counting my blessings!
(who has given herself permission to be whinny again- Is that win-e? I don't care. You know what I mean today)