I feel myself changing. I am moving into a new chapter in my life and I am not quite sure how to receive it or proceed in it.
I have been the new mommy, and done support groups, and play dates. I've been a breastfeeding mom, and done La Leche League. I have been a toddler mom and done MOPS. I have been a mom with a kid in school and done PTA. I have done the girl scout leader thing, the coaching thing, the charity thing, the church service thing. I have been a homeschooling mom for so long now I barely remember what it is like to have an empty house during the day. I've been a working mom, single mom, stay at home mom. I have been a mom for 17 yrs (in a couple weeks). In two more years I will have officially been a mom longer than not in my life.
I find myself on autopilot. Continuing to do the same things I have always done. Run activities, start them, lead them, and give as much of my time as I can possibly give. I don't think I want to do this anymore. Just saying that, just thinking that makes me uneasy.
I want to continue to homeschool, of course, if you know me that is a compromise I just can't make, wouldn't make. But something must change for me, and there is more than enough room for that change. I need to begin to give myself time, take time, discover things about myself. I wonder if I can draw? Paint? Box? Do karate? I need some quiet time. Time to be quiet and let my soul rest.
I love Eucharistic Adoration. Spending that wonderful quiet time in the Real Presence of Our Lord. It nourishes my spirit. I need to continue that, and I need to nourish my body. I need exercise. I need mental and physical exercise.
I have brushed my needs aside for quite awhile. It's time to give them a little room to breath.